まりこ : Grandpa called home.

May you rest in peace in heaven, but you're living forever in my heart. I love you Grandpa.

まりこ : All alone.

I've been feeling really unsecured this few days, I get angry, I got worried, I am scared, I felt afraid for almost everything. I don't know what is this that I'm feeling and I know for sure I hate it.

Went to see grandpa after work, and I heard my uncle is talking to grandpa very loudly. Because, last night nobody stayed over to accompany grandpa and he's afraid of being alone in a ward. Then, in the morning he threw tantrum to the nurses there, he refuses to eat, he wants to get out of bed even he couldn't, he don't want to listen to the nurses and he wants to go home. He wants to go home with us whenever we are leaving after visiting him. I hope I could accompany him at night if there's another bed there to sleep. If I were to be in his position, I wouldn't want to stay there all alone at night either.
I hope grandpa could stand up and walk again..

まりこ : 19 years seems so fast.

Went to visit Grandpa, and I greeted him. I can see his teary eyes looking at me. I was wondering what was he thinking at the moment? Is he in pain? Or is he worried? I knew his condition is getting worser day by day just by the look of his face. I started remembering how well was he when I'm young, taking care of me when I'm having chicken pox, holding my hands up to his chin to feel his pricking short mustache because he knew I find it funny and will laugh by feeling it, argue in a jokingly manner with grandma to entertain us families when we're gathering in their home. Everything felt like yesterday, and now he's lying on bed getting weaker by day.  Hope he's not in pain because I really don't know how he feels..

まりこ : Cherish what you have before it's too late (It's true)

I felt that I've not been a filial grandchild since the day I'm born. Didn't cherish what I have and took it for granted, now, there's not much time left for me to take care of my grandpa. I see tears flowing down my grandma's cheeks and that's how much it hurt me to see them behaving like this. Watching my grandma holding on to my grandpa's hand, crying, there's nothing much for me to do. Even in his condition like this, he still wants to see who my boyfriend is, whether is he a good kid.

Grandpa is in hospice now, and he have not much time left. I'm going to stay over at grandpa's ward tomorrow with my family. I hope everyone will stay strong.